I don’t talk about my job much particularly because….well that’s work and this is something else. This is where I can talk about unclear signs and why it’s good that Hudson University doesn’t exist. But if you wanted to know what I do a simple search on Google will show you.

Most of my job is fielding invitation requests for a certain guy who is kind of popular in a specific world. I get tons of invites for this guy. TONS. And most of my day is spent taking the 5 page invites and reducing them down to 2 sentences

I basically translate this:

During this revolutionary plenary session we will have innovative speakers interact and share in this unique environment for international networking.

into this

They want you to talk for 30 minutes and do Q&A over drinks.
Alot of people you probably don’t want to talk to are going to suck you into boring conversations.

I feel I have experience in reducing things down to its most obvious point. I worked as a web producer for 6 years where I talked with marketing folks on a daily basis. I’m trained.

But I just hope one day someone will be very honest with their invitations. Something like this:

We want to invite your boss to our super tiny group in some po-dunk town in Missouri. We can barely cover flight because I’m going to sell all my shoes on eBay to buy him an economy ticket. He can stay in my house, well apartment, where we have wifi but the hot water dies around 10pm. My cat, Jingles, is very cuddly. Is your boss allergic? If so I’ll make sure everything is clean and will have a hypo-allergenic pillow waiting for him. And I can promise him that we’ll have a bunch of super techy super passionate people dying to hear his every word. In fact they’ll be there with their computers live blogging and digitizing his entire speech so they can post it on Second Life where my alter ego Hans Uggerstocker will create a shrine to his glorious being…your boss. His ground transportation will be covered by my cousin Tony. Who will be at his beck and call day and night. Tony’s in community college studying computer design but he promises me that he’ll put the bong down on the nights he has to drive your boss. Will your boss confirm he can come?